Will Smith says he contemplated killing his father to “avenge” his mother

The popular actor Will Smith has returned to surprise with his confessions. A few days ago the popular actor revealed that he even considered suicide.

As TMZ reports, the actor made this confession in the presentation of Will Smith: The Best Shape of My Life, a docuseries in which the protagonist of Men In Black talks about how he lost 10 kilos in 20 weeks.

Now, an exclusive excerpt from the 53-year-old star’s new revealing memoir, titled Will, appears in PEOPLE magazine, to be released on November 9.

In it, Smith uncovers painful family secrets, including a traumatic childhood incident involving his late father, Will Sr., who he claims left scars on him for years to come.

At the beginning of the book, Smith establishes the complicated relationship he had with his father William Carroll Smith Sr., who with his mother Caroline Bright raised Smith and his three siblings in Philadelphia.

“My father was violent, but he was also in every game, play and recital. I was an alcoholic, but I was sober at each premiere of each of my films, ”he writes. “He listened to every record. He visited all the studios. The same intense perfectionist who terrorized his family also put food on the table every night of my life. “

Smith writes that a terrifying act of violence that he witnessed his father carry out against his mother changed his life forever.

“When I was nine years old, I saw my father hit my mother on the side of the head so hard that she collapsed. I saw her spit blood. That moment in that room, probably more than any other moment in my life, has defined who I am. “

For the actor, the trauma of that moment would affect his entire life and career. He explains: “Within everything I’ve done since then, the awards and accolades, the spotlights and the attention, the characters and the laughs, there has been a subtle chain of apologies to my mother for my inaction that day.”

He continues: “What you’ve come to understand as ‘Will Smith,’ the alien-annihilating MC, the larger-than-life movie star, is largely a construction, a carefully crafted and perfected character, designed to protect me. same. To hide from the world. To hide the coward. “

Smith’s parents separated when he was a teenager and divorced in 2000. Despite maintaining a close relationship with his father, the actor writes that his anger stemming from that childhood incident flared up again decades later while caring for Will Sr., who had cancer.

“One night, as I gently carried him out of his room and into the bathroom, a darkness arose within me. The path between the two rooms goes through the top of the stairs. When I was a child, I always told myself that one day I would avenge my mother. That when he was big enough, when he was strong enough, when he was no longer a coward, he would kill him. “

At the time, Smith remembers having the idea to kill his father. “I stopped at the top of the stairs. He could push it down and get away with it easily, ”he writes. “As the decades of hurt, anger, and resentment subsided, I shook my head and proceeded to take Daddio to the bathroom.”

After Will Sr.’s death in 2016, Smith reflected on their troubled relationship and what it taught him about finding true fulfillment.